Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
