last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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