The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
