There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
