Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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