1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He better not be in your backpack
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
