Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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