I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
