it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize