So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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