pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.