he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.