I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
