I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
