It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
