Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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