To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your cock deserves a montage
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
