You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
