Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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