did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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