We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
