idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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