so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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