we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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