Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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