I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
