i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
