i just sent this text using only my big toe
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
