It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
