I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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