ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
