don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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