perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
