Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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