me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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