Sry I called you an 8
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
