Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
