She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
