Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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