happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
