meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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