He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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