Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
