Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
