you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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