So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
