Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
