imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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