I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
