i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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