Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
