Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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