you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who died my cat blue again?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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