pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Congratulations! We have a period
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
