some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
