my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
