I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
