Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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