I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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