when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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