so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
