My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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